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The Suitable Mate ( have deviated initially)

For a long time this Change blog has been throwing the Social topic to the backburner!
After reading Sanjay's entry and his reference enteries so put as (1,2), and with the ongoing flux in my life, it seems my thoughts will spill on this blog too.

Supressing my desires to start from Desmond Morris' View of The Naked Ape Trioligy and likes I will come straight to Drastic changes which are very visible all around. Not to leave the fact how Indian Socio-View is bursting at its seams and coming out.
No its not just about DPS RKpuram delhi cock sucking MMS( or the zillions of its equivalents available on demand), or mildly outrageous T-shirts(Must see link) being printed( ya i read about in a BT's article last fortnight, the article showing a bikini and George Bush, with pointers saying Good Bush Bad Bush)...
Its a Big Change at very basic levels which is happening (has already gone a long way).

The Change in the basic thought patterns.
The Change in the percetion of everything.

Religion ( ya, talk about sikhs without turbans, or short-cuts rituals... havent you heard those mantra CD's that are to be enchnated during (m)any religius ceremony?)

Family Structure ( not just joint-nuclear family debate, but the basic Powershift( Alvin Toffler) between Matriach / Patriach familiy and now the Ethics fron fron the Nanny ..leading to nanniarch? structure of the family)

The avaialbility of knowledge much earlier and much faster has drastically CHANGED so much, that at times it is difficult to comprehend.

The Suitable Mate and the search for him/her in this fast evolving socio-structure (blitzkrieg) is a different Ball Game.

My views roll back and forth between Love vs Arranged ( at least now i am thinking about it, as against a year back, when I had no faith in the institution itself)... Dont know why they tend to tilt some times towards arranged.

May take

Love

- you know him/her ( but how much can you really know the other person and in how much time, when you and him/her are also constantly changing so much each day)

- LOVE ( well, very tricky to comment on this...I have not been able to define/ comprehend)

- Understand from beforehand very well, so better compatibility ( yeah? how many friends, relatives( Parent?) have to much later had highly argumentative difference of opinion... if none... then WOW)

- ( blanked out) help me here please!

Arranged

- Families know each other ( So what?, not the intended bride / groom. How much are the in sync with their families, is a question is the first place)

- Same / similar background, in terms of social ( what ? ) / financial ( ya have you seen how that changes witout notice) stature!)

Ok I have not even initiated other topics of

- Sex / Sexual orientation / experianed un experianed and its varied perception among the sexes and the ages

- Cooking ( Cooking??? ) with no time/ eat out and MTR ??

I am looking at views of everyone here!

Coz my belief is that "the Human Animal" has morphed so much socially and re-structed into verry different sets of social structure.

Living lives in their own Big/ small Niches / compartmentalised ( yeah in apartments), least bothered about their neighbours / parents (??) / and likes.
With so much change in the social structures, the definations and fuctions of SOCIAL institutions need to ( well they are automatically) modified!!

What say???

Comments

karmic_jay said…
Liked your post. The whole issue is pretty complicated. The winds of change seem to have picked up speed too.
Ok I can't click on some of the links you have, since I am at work. Will check them out at home.

As for the t-shirts. Guess it's big to see that change in India. I know someone here who wore a t shirt along those lines, except it talked about her with an arrow pointing down on it.

One of my problems with religions is it's very dogmatic nature and resistance to change. But hey thats me. As long as I am left alone with my beliefs which harm no one I am fine.
But that is change, the nature of it the very dynamics amke iot hard to say lets just go with the "good" change. The presence of humans and the middle of it makes it more fun eh?

I think you can know the person quite well over a period of time. But then again it's all about chance/luck?

As you said and I mention in my post. Everything is being re-defined, if two adults can find a way to do this with respect for one another and mutual understanding, then I am all for it.
Should add you to my blogroll too.
@ sanjay:
he tks!''

though cliched..but change is too constant!

coming to ur dogmatic beiliefs and resistance.it natural..
I beilieve evryone..slowly starts freezing some views...

to constantky keep chaging its way too difficult i guess.. everyone desires to freeze some things..so that they can focus n others..

how and what two adults can and should do..well!! its strangely not definable and is too case specific!!

u can jolly well add me... ull see that u are already in my blogroll
Shitrint said…
u wont belive this abhi, most of my bloggie dost hav posts on arranged marriages these days.
and quite honestly, am fed up!
sheesh, do i see my supposedly dark furure looming ahead of me?
stop stop!
no more arranged marriages or post on them!(just kidding)
:D
tc!
@ S'rint!!

HAHAH!!
well who are all these bloggie dosts!!
introduce me to some..( HAHAHAHA)

but fact of the matter it..
its a strange social institution...
and wierd thing is that, there is way too much logic to prove that need to give into it..

BAH!!
ne ways..
like one of my cousins puts it...

"Shaadi ka laddo ..jo khaye woh pachtaye..ja na khaye woh hi pachataye!!"
Neha said…
change..yeah things have changed.But some things never change!Like India's obsession with marriage.. go anywhere, it's alwasy the same..

I believe in it,but I don't see why it's made the be all and end all of life..

well i don't believe in arranged marriages tht much, cause i just find the idea of spending ur whole life with someone you hardly know strange.. just cannot get myself to accept it.. thats the major stumbling block :-)
Shitrint said…
arre one is ur post, then aditis blog, even karmic jay and another frend called garam tea!!
so mnay ppl all writing abt arranged marriages...and i remmeber ethan writing a post a little while back too!
:D
u thot i bluffed?
Parul said…
Regarding "how much can you really know the other person and in how much time, when you and him/her are also constantly changing so much each day"

I know that dating in India is really difficult. I think one spends a lot more time playing 'hide and seek' from friends, family, relatives etc
(especially when you live in your hometown) rather than talking to and getting to know your partner. However, after having spent two years in US, I have realized that the freedom and independence to know and understand your partner really helps. People definetly change and mature with time, and the change is for good.
@ Neha: "Like India's obsession with marriage.. go anywhere, it's alwasy the same..
"


So tru!!
as if ppl dont have anything else to do!!



BUt as for
"well i don't believe in arranged marriages tht much, cause i just find the idea of spending ur whole life with someone you hardly know strange.. just cannot get myself to accept it.. thats the major stumbling block :-)
"


what i am asking is how much you know, the folks you ??
@ Srint:
Arrey no !!
just wnted to know who else are same pool...
@ Parul ( walia??)
As of "I know that dating in India is really difficult. I think one spends a lot more time playing 'hide and seek' from friends, family, relatives etc
"
...

well things are not that sad i believe...

But ya i do belive it affects in a big way..

You seem to have chnaged quite a BIG bit since i recall you sittin together ....in err.. class 5 or so with Nidhi!!
someones seriously thinking about marriage i guess...
dunno wat to say, wen my own beliefs are being so strongly challenged?!

u ve put a lot of thght into this little head... will think over n report sir.. :)
Kalingaa... said…
Hi Abhishek

first thnx for visiting my blog

second what u said in above article is very much relevant to today but its bit diverse as traditions and relationaships are name of change rather than restricted bonds...

And Cubicles we live in are the only thing that people remember now which will somehow make us complete robot as i think so ...
@ rich: Well ... not yet, but you i soon will...

ok .. so i am w8ing for the report to be submitted....
ahem!!
@ Kalinga..
Hey..
i did not quite get what you meant

"second what u said in above article is very much relevant to today but its bit diverse as traditions and relationaships are name of change rather than restricted bonds...
"


and ya the cubicles...
u know everything changes faster than you can think...
Sarika said…
Dude, I tried the arranged thing for a couple of months...I can't imagine :considering: someone or ruling them out based on qualification, horoscope, family background (maybe/maybe not)....Where is THE PERSON ????

My parents screened guys based on these and then I was supposed to screen the guy...the idea bombed...I always picked guys, they did not like...

There is another thing I would like to bring up..."conditioning"...I think we (middle class) are conditioned to think in a certain pattern in terms of security, qualification (note: I am not using education..I believe wisdom and education have got nothing to do with qualification)...we are also conditioned to sacrifice for our parents' happiness...not that our parents ask for it...or will be happy if they find out about these "sacrifices" but we being the good sons and daughters we are, would like to see our parents happy and will not do anything till we are sure our parents are happy with it...will do anything to change the situation, go for higher education, wait for the "right time" or whatever it takes..to please them...We forget that what is ultimately going to make them happy is "our" happiness...

Moral of the story...me to indisciplined for the arranged marraige thingi...with me logic no works when it comes to heart...Love, I think is essential for marraige...
@ Sarika...

Hey i know you ..? Sarika Jain?? tu hi hai kya??

:)
ne-ways..
see i realy dunno weather all the pre-qualificaion..on this and that can work..or not..
yet to go into all that..
the Hunt for me will start sometime in future....
for "the person"
Hahah... its scary probably at times.. thinkin abt the whole thingy!!

about conditioning..
i fell its partially tru...
but the things are changing far too fast the Gap I have seen between what parents think their children think.. and what children really think ..is increasing you know...

..
About love
hahah you are rite maybe...

like someone sings.."har kisi ko nahi milta..yahan pyar..."

HAHAHAHAH
LOL

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